Ever have one of those days where you want to write... you need to write... yet you sit in front of your computer, notebook, etc... the gears are grinding, yet nothing is coming out. Nothing that makes sense, anyway. You backspace more than you actually type. Yeah, i'm having one of those nights...
So many things I want to rant about, but just cant bring myself to be that whiny person who never stops complaining... though, I dont see it as complaining. I'm merely "venting" because venting is how I get shit done... it gives me the relief I need to move forward, at least for the time being. Even little things like "Why does it take my 6 year old an hour to go a page of vocabulary, and 2 minutes to do a page of math?" and "Why does my sensory kid change what she likes/dislikes on a daily basis? For a kid who loves routine, she's awfully unpredictable." or "Why is my 3 year old bipolar?"
Then there's even more simple things like "Why do my neighbors insist on letting their dog pee off of their balcony and onto my patio?" Things like this just grind on my nerves...
The experts say if you want to get anything done right, you have to do it yourself... right? I would like to meet these people someday... are they the same ones who say that worthless/heartless people never seem to have karma? Yet, if I speed more than 2 mph over the speed limit, I'LL surely get caught? Who makes these rules? and how do we change them?
A lot of times, I chalk it up to this... I was put on this earth to handle the bullshit that no one else is capable of handling. I work for people who can't work for themselves. I don't believe in daycare or babysitters (other than CLOSE relatives, and only in dire need) because no one else can take care of my children the way I can or will... on the other hand, I believe that our children need a break from us time to time just as much as we need one from them. I believe if we dont love ourselves, we cannot love anyone else properly. I have spectrum kiddos to keep me grounded, and teach me new outlooks, and to challenge me everyday, because God knows how bored I get without a challenge or change. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason... I believe in breaking the cycle, not making excuses or shifting the blame. I believe that some days you have to get dirty, play hard, and let the dishes set. I believe that every moment is precious, and we're all guilty of wasting too many of them... i'm working on that one. I believe that we all get angry, scream, cry, throw fits, overreact, and lose our tempers... usually out of love. I also believe that tomorrow is a new day, a new start, and a new chance to do it right. I believe in learning from my mistakes, because you can't make the same mistake twice... the second time, it's a choice... and I believe that every night, after the kids are in bed, every mom is entitled to take care of herself... whether it's a hot bath, a good book, a glass of wine, or netflix and a box of crackers and your favorite cheese... and more than anything in this world, I believe in love... because, in the end, that's what gets us through it all, and gives us the strength to wake up to a new day, and start all over again.
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